The Night

She comes without a warning, for it's not the absence of light.
I wished.

It's a gallery of the might have beens,
my own paintings down a hallway,
twilight of what I lavishly spent,
buying myself nothing but lessons still to learn,
mistakes I'm still eager to repeat.

It coalesces into faces, mostly one,
for that's the one that had been able to teach me the most,
but they shimmer and vanish,
leaving me with a subtle anguish,
a sweet torment,
a curse towards the arrow of time.

So I drink a glass of wine
looking for relief,
but finding only more vivid dreams,
more of what I have no guts to tell myself by myself.

I'm a coward, after all.

The Morning

A...l...a...r...m...
Shit, it's morning already.
Adrenaline rush, not reawakening.
There's no light, what time is it?
Reach for a window.
Damn, will you look at that? It's so thick!

Ok, think about this.
Coffee, yes. Coffee.
No, shower first.

Stairs, watch the bugs.
No bugs, good.
Bathroom: what a mess.
So typical, hey?
Clean it quick, you bought the willow basket, you dick. use it!

K, now what?
Yes, shower.
This hot water smells sickly sweet. i need to talk to the landlord.
I wonder if i smell like that to people.

Large, soft, hot spray: perfect.
And another small nap under the shower.

Out, too hot, need to turn the vents down.
Dry up, a spray of that, a brush of this, ready.

Ok, i'll walk it.
This may hurt.
Nah it won't.

Base Layer: clean. Check.
Jumper: Clean. Check
Socks: Used once. Check.
Thick or thin? Thick LongJohns: Clean, Check.
Middle Layer: dirty as fuck. Check.
SwishPants: Clean. Check.
Mittens, Hat, Neck Warmer, Boots, Top Layer: Check.

Duh.
Too much. Must get out quick.

Ciggy, where is it?
Oh, damn, i forgot the coffee.
No time now, roll the ciggy.

Out i go.
Light the ciggy.
Puff, puff, puff.

The down jacket open, mittens on the neck.
Still comfortable.

Puff, puff, puff, what's on my nose?
Puff.
It sticks, whatte?
bah.

What's tugging at my beard, now?
Puff.
grin.
Puff.

Puff.
This is done.
Good, starting to feel it.
Mittens up.

Nah, what the hell, these are too small.
See that, what the fuck is going on with the thumb, there?
Ah, yes, Matt did this with his own.
Ah yes, makes sense, and of course it works.
Ok, bearable now.
Ah, jacket.
Damn, wrong move.
I should have closed that one first.
Ah well, i can manage with the straps.

Can i, now?
Oh come on!
Fucking useless.
I wish i was a native right now, oh , here, done.

and how could i not feel THAT one?
Where's the hood?
There, damn mittens.
What's about the fur the.. Gah!
That hurt.

Ready now, though.
Step up.

Long, by the cathedral, the way.
Well, remember the past.
The trick is not to count.

And sure as cupid's arrow, here we are.
Cross.
Damn the queue.
Smell this, thank god it's unusual around here.

Ah, the bridge.
Finally.

Oh dear goodness.
Black, shiny.
Deep and dark, through a sheath of temporary rock.
Deep under the black stuff it moves, it's alive if encaged.
I'm breathless.

Umh, forks?
Nah, twit, the right.
Ah, true.
This, and then, there.
Cross.
Yeh right.
Oh come on, i'm walking into this, have mercy for christ's sake!
Whatever.

So now is that way.
Oh really. We're by it again.
Good, it'll be for a while.
Not so good, though. can see shit.
Ah well, i'll feel it.

I'm burning.
Damn the crossing.
Thirsty.
Ah, that's easy, fool.
Ahahahahahah!
SO pure.
And sticky, damn it!
Ah well, does the job.

And down she comes.
Layer after layer after layer after layer.
Pouring, really, if it only could.
Alone, here.

Very alone.
think of something profound. this is a chance.
bliss.
her resting on the bench, curling up by the trees, swimming around me, tugging, poking, slapping.
I Love her.




must get to work.
resolve.
passion.
but hollow without her.
i can see her from the windows.
go then.
grin.